SAY THAT TO MY FACE NOT ONLINE MOTHERFUCKER. SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

haha.

but really. fuck off!

MAYBE YOU’RE A RACE OF ALIEN TOO RUDE AND STUPID TO COMPREHEND BASIC ASS SHIT, AND THAT’S OK. BUT IT IS LITERALLY NONE OF YOUR GODDAMN BUSINESS HOW MUCH I WEIGH, OR WHY JOHN IS “TAN.” THIS IS ME MAKING A HUMBLE AND PLEASANT REQUEST.

this is both of us!

RIGHT. THE REQUEST IS: STOP SENDING US SHIT LIKE THIS. IT’S UNBECOMING AND I’D RATHER WATCH GHOST BUSTERS 2 FIFTY TIMES IN A ROW THAN READ ANOTHER ONE OF THESE BORING MESSAGES.

i’d rather watch ghostbusters 2 anyway.

YEAH. LET’S GO DO THAT. 

BYE. (:B

YOU HAVE ABOUT TWENTY SECONDS TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF AWFUL HUMAN HOLIDAY TRADITION HAS COMPELLED YOU TO PUT THAT ON YOUR HEAD.
it’s mistletoe! you’re supposed to kiss me under it!
WHY.
i don’t know. you just are.
NO.
GO FIND SOMEBODY ELSE.
karkat, that is infidelity. you don’t want to turn me into an adulterer, do you?
I’M NOT KISSING YOU UNTIL YOU TAKE OFF THAT GODFORSAKEN HEADDRESS.

are you suuuure?
YES.
really sure.
I’M SO SURE.
mmmmmmmmwah.
mwah.
AUGH.
JOHN.
OKAY.

sorry bro im gonna have to “red card” you

OH NO YOU DON’T.

NOT THIS MUSCLEBEAST SHIT AGAIN.

your hands-

YOU DO THIS EVERY TIME I SCORE A POINT!

i said your hands-

NO!

your hands touched the ball for too long when you shot it man sorry dats da rules

HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO SCORE A POINT WITHOUT TOUCHING THE BALL?!??!?!

AM I REQUIRED TO WILL THE BALL TO JUMP THROUGH THE HOOP FOR ME?

no its just hands you held it for too long

…dave, i am pretty sure that’s not actually how the game works!

shhhh trust me egbert i know all about sports