ifixedyourfuckingmovie:

OKAY, I THINK THIS IS A GOOD PLACE TO START, CONSIDERING THIS IS THE ONLY HUMAN MOVIE I HAVE EVER BEEN COMPLETELY SATISFIED WITH. BEAUTIFUL STORY, THE SOUNDTRACK WAS GREAT, THE CASTING WAS GREAT. I DIDN’T CATCH SOME OF THE HUMOR, BUT JOHN LAUGHED HIS ASS OFF, AND I MEAN, IF HE THOUGHT IT WAS FUNNY IT MUST’VE BEEN AT LEAST SOMEWHAT ENTERTAINING. HE LAUGHS AT LIKE EVERYTHING, BUT WHATEVER.

LET’S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

FIONA AND SHREK’S MATESPRITSHIP IS OBVIOUSLY THE FOCAL POINT OF THE MOVIE, AND IT’S BREATHTAKING. I MEAN. SHREK JUST FEELS SO GROSS COMPARED TO HER, HE CANT UNDERSTAND HOW SHE COULD POSSIBLY HAVE THE CAPACITY TO CARE FOR SOMEONE AS UGLY AS HIM, BUT SHE DOES. BUT HE DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW IT UNTIL THE END, AND…I JUST RELATE TO SHREK ON A VERY DEEP AND PERSONAL LEVEL.

NEXT THERE’S THE BLATANTLY CANON MOIRALLEGIANCE BETWEEN SHREK AND DONKEY. SHREK PITIES THE POOR ANNOYING JABBERING HOOFBEAST, ALTHOUGH BEGRUDGINGLY SO. DONKEY PITIES SHREK FOR HIS LACK OF COMPANIONSHIP, SO HE STICKS BY HIM. THAT LOYAL-ASS FUCKING…ASS. SHREK PROVIDES PROTECTION FOR DONKEY, AND DONKEY DOES WHAT HE CAN TO PACIFY HIM. HE’S HONESTLY PRETTY SHITTY AT THAT, BUT THEY MAKE IT WORK. THEY DO. SOME WOULD ARGUE THAT LATER IN THE SERIES, PUSS AND DONKEY BECOME MOIRAILS, BUT I COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY DISAGREE. ANYONE WHO THINKS THIS IS WRONG. THE RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN PUSS AND DONKEY CAN’T BE PLACED IN A QUADRANT. IT’S PLATONIC. END OF STORY. EVEN MORE SHOCKING IS THE WORK I’VE DISCOVERED ON A WEBSITE CALLED FANFICTION.NET WHERE THEY ARE PORTRAYED IN A FLUSHED RELATIONSHIP. I CAN’T EVEN BEGIN TO EXPRESS HOW MUCH THIS INFURIATES ME. WHY, YOU ASK?

DRAGON! YOU’RE FUCKING FORGETTING THE BEAUTIFUL UNLIKELY FLUSHCRUSH THEY SHARE IN THE FIRST MOVIE, HOW SHE COMES TO HIS RESCUE, HOW HE BECOMES THE “BABY DADDY,” AS HUMANS SAY, TO ALL HER LITTLE MUTANT FIRE BREATHING DONKEY DRAGON BABIES.

SHREK IS A PERFECT FILM AS IS.

DON’T RUIN IT.